Communication And Presentation Skills - Victoria Labalme

Posted by Anni M. on Wednesday, May 16th, 2012

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In the field of interpersonal communication, self-disclosure is used as a measure for relationship development. The standard relationship progresses as follows: I tell you something about myself, you tell me something about yourself at a similar level of intimacy. As two people get to know each other better, the information they share becomes more personal. Eventually, it becomes comfortable to share secret information, or information that reveals insecurities, fears, or faults. But this type of self-disclosure takes time. It requires trust on both sides. Often, self-disclosure happens too quickly or not at all. In these circumstances communication breaks down and the relationship stops developing normally. In business, self-disclosure is an important tool for building trust but too much of it is unprofessional and can damage relationships.

Business relationships are, of necessity, separate from personal relationships. Sometimes this is a blurry line. Friendships develop in the office that lead to excessive self-disclosure and that can present professional problems. But if a friendship is comfortable and strong, it is possible to balance intimacy and professionalism. The real problems arise when one person rushes to disclose to another, or never discloses, closing himself off. We?ll explore each scenario, though the former is more common. As a recent study at Harvard has shown, our brains reward us for self-disclosure.

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Imagine that two people are talking, a boss and his employee. They don?t know each other well, in fact the employee just started working for the company a month earlier. The boss is distraught and starts talking about his failing marriage. The employee cowers. What can he do? He tries to be supportive, but he isn?t a friend. He offers his sympathies but he feels uncomfortable. In this case, the boss? disclosure has damaged his relationship with his employee. The employee feels nervous about talking with the boss and is confused about the boundaries between them. In this case the boss should remember, less is more.

Imagine that two people are talking, two employees of equal standing in the company. They?ve known each other for several years and work closely together every day. On multiple occasions, employee one has tried to get to know employee two on a personal level. He has talked about his favorite hobbies, his family, and the sports teams he likes, but employee two hasn?t shared any personal information. Employee one feels that employee two is distant and closed off. He doesn?t trust employee two.

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The lesson here is that self-disclosure has to be natural, and it has to be a two-way street. Both parties must disclose at equal levels for the relationship to progress in a healthy, comfortable way. If you struggle with self-disclosure at work, start to pay closer attention to the information your co-workers share. Don?t share more than they do, but let them in. You don?t have to reveal your deepest darkest secrets, but it?s always a good idea to share something about yourself. Building trust means trusting others with information. Like most aspects of healthy interpersonal communication in business, it?s a give and take.

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